pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
