she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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