What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
