Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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