he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
