He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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