mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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