You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
