my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
