Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
