Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
