is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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