Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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