I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
