There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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