if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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