the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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