Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
