hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
