Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
