if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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