There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
