There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
