It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
