Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
