That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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