The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
