and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
