Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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