You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
ttyl tear gas
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
