it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
