my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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