I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
