yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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