im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
