so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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