so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
