I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
