Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
