i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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