What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just cut my nipple shaving
zippers are such a cool invention
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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