farters have to be the big spoon...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
