I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
