i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
