It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
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