i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
