yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
