Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
