Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
