I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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