Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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