are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
