You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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