I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
