i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
