i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
