what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
