yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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