I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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