How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are