I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.