I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.