Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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