i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
