My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
