Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
