How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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