PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
