last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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